Awakening Two September 2008

Current Situation

I have been using Awakening Level Two CD 1 for one month now. It really doesn’t seem as long as that. It really feels like I only started this CD about week or two ago.

So far this level is noticeably stronger than the last CD of Awakening Level One; so much so in fact that I am beginning to wonder if I was ready to progress onto this level. Maybe I should have continued on level one for a few more weeks or so. In any event, here I am and at least this is evidence that Holosync does actually work.

This morning I noticed patterns in front of my eyes (my eyes were closed of course, so I suppose you could call it the mind’s eye). These patterns were kaleidoscopic in nature, mostly vivid blue with black contrasts and a little like mushroom clouds. I don’t know what that is exactly and I don’t really care too much. Although the last few weeks have seen me nodding off several times, so far the meditation sessions have been very peaceful and calm and closer to preconceptions of what meditation actually is.

Whether that is a good thing or not is irrelevant though because my intention with Holosync is to use it to help me grow as a human being rather than just have some nice, dreamy experiences. In fact I get very excited these days when I hit what I would have previously described as a low point because I know it is part of the process growth in my awareness of myself and how I create my reality.

Now here is my insight for the last month:

I received Awakening Level One support letter #3 later than usual, because I had already moved onto Level two, however, what I read answered some of my deeper questions and made me realize what has been happening for the last month or so.

I have had bouts of feeling very uncomfortable. I would describe them loosely as a feeling of fear, anxiety and of despair. Fear of not succeeding in my life, fear of losing what I want to keep hold of. I suppose all the feelings of attachment and self-concern. The first of these episodes was around the beginning of July and I was walking around with a dark cloud over my head for nearly a week. I felt lost, like I was losing myself and I didn’t know what to do about it. However I did have the ware with all to eventually look at this from a distance and decide to observe it and to believe that this was all happening because I am growing out of an old way of being for the better. It culminated in me writing a few songs of some quality I believe, which was a great outcome.

Then with my enthusiasm and energy restored I got back on track again and got creative having loads of new ideas about what I wanted out of life and how to create it. Then it happened again a couple of weeks later and it felt a little more intense, only this time I immediately spotted it and took the same standpoint that I had adopted before, only this time the episode lasted only a couple of days. This was in part due to the support letter arriving at the exact same time that I was experiencing this little ‘slump’ again. The support letter being late was perfect timing in fact.

The letter explained what I had suspected and whilst those periods when I feel that way are uncomfortable to say the least, I now relish them because I know that is a sign of growth and every time I grow past a certain threshold I am aware of so much more of my life and the possibilities. Oh… and guess what? The result of the last encounter with the dark cloud was another couple of quality songs, that lift the spirit.

Testament to the fact that everything is perfectly in place for you at all times. It really is.

Here is an excerpt from that support letter from Bill Harris (edited to be more concise):

I went through a period, where I woke up one morning and noticed that the old familiar "me" wasn’t there any more. I thought. "I don’t know who I am. My old conception of who I am doesn’t make sense anymore." I’ll tell you, it was a weird feeling. I felt adrift, without a paddle. I had nothing to hang onto. It was quite uncomfortable.

A few weeks later, something shifted and once again I knew who I was — only it was completely different than before, something I never could have or would have imagined. I liked it better.

Then, a few weeks later, the chaos began again. Again, I lost my sense of who I was, and again it was uncomfortable. But, again, several weeks later I had another breakthrough, another reorganization at a higher level. Again, I had a totally new idea of who I was, and also, once again, it was unlike anything I could have imagined.

This happened five or six times over an eight-month period. Each time it happened, I have to say I didn’t like it. I liked the breakthrough, when it came, but I didn’t like the way I felt leading up to the breakthrough at all. Finally, though, the light bulb went on and I said to myself, "This is going to keep happening! My sense of who I am is evolving and changing, and as it changes I keep trying to hang on to my old way of being. By resisting these changes, I’m making this a lot more difficult for myself."

Once I got that the interim chaos I was experiencing was part of the growth process, and that temporarily losing that solid sense of self was okay, it never bothered me again. When it happened, I would just note that another shift was in the works, and I’d begin to wonder what it was going to be like this time!

So it’s possible that from time to time you may feel a bit lost, as if things don’t make sense any more, or feel uncomfortable in other ways. This is the time to trust the process. Things will make sense again, and the new way of making sense of things will be much better, and much more effective, than the old way.

Bill Harris

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