Recently I came across an interesting post at Melissa Georke’s blog called Top 10 Most Dangerous Sayings Ever. I agreed with Melissa’s viewpoint about the fact that there are many sayings that are so engrained in our day-to-day we don’t realize the part they play in acting as a barrier to success and even happiness.
There is No Hope.
One of these sayings was "Don’t get your hopes up" and whilst I agree with the sentiments of Melissa’s post on this subject I have something to say about hope.
I suggest that there is no hope and that it is an illusion and even, possibly a trap. Wow, that sounds really negative doesn’t it? Well it isn’t and I’ll explain why.
…if we don’t get our hopes up how can we achieve anything?..
Yes I agree that saying "Don’t get your hopes up" is defeatist because it is saying that to avoid disappointment you should not have ideas too big or ambitious, but it is the reaction to the saying that I am addressing here. Melissa’s argument that "…if we don’t get our hopes up how can we achieve anything?.." is an admirable one, but she’s not really talking about hope. She is talking about intent and that is taking responsibility. Hope itself is part of a mind set of handing that responsibility over to somebody or something else to achieve the outcome for you and of course that makes it very convenient if you are unsuccessful. You’re not to blame, so you can tell a story of how outside circumstances were the reason for failure (again) and not learn anything, so you can repeat the same process next time.
Hope is also an attachment to a specific outcome, which is not healthy. If you decide a certain outcome will mean something about you then there is no possibility for you to see the success on a slightly different outcome or even a totally different, but potentially better one. You are closing off your visibility of potential opportunity to make things happen yourself.
Your desire for a certain outcome can help you create images in your mind and inspire you to make it happen and that is often what is referred to as hope, but it is also confused with the notion that hoping is all that is required. I agree that hope will make you feel good for a while and feeling good is positive, but if you rely on hope then you are not focusing on what you want. You are focusing on what you believe is up to somebody or something else to make happen for you or, even worse, you are expressing an underlying belief that it isn’t really going to happen.
Focus on Intent
Hoping that "The Universe" will make things turn out the way you want them to is just killing time and before you know it, you have lived a whole life with none of your hopes coming to fruition and, in fact many of those hopes you have probably forgotten about. When people lose hope they often no longer care about the outcome. Whilst this may sound like they have given up trying. it is often the beginning of the process of making it happen, but it happens in such an unexpected way because it becomes the result of intent rather than blind hope and often the outcome is more beneficial because it is the result of focused thinking, which as you go through a process becomes more focused as a result of obtaining feedback from your environment as a result of your actions, inspired by that focused thinking.
There’s nothing wrong with using the word "Hope" because it is so much a part of what we perceive as the positive side of our language, but as with every other word, this word should be used with more awareness. When you say "Hope" are you saying "I know what it is I want, I don’t know how I can achieve it, but I am now focusing on ways and means to get there and I know I can come up with the answer" or are you saying "I have no idea how I will do that, so I’ll just hope for the best (without defining what "the best" is) and maybe someday it will all just happen". One is hope and one is intent and they are very different beasts.
Where to start? Well dig deep and find those beliefs that automatically run those thought patterns and you will have something to work on. Once you see for yourself that you don’t need hope then life will be much easier to feel good about because you will know that it really is what you make it… literally. You will also stop using the "hope" in such a throwaway manner.
Hope may seem like an ally, but in many instances it is just a trap.
Make Success a Habit - Mind over Matter, Heart over Mind
Avoid breaking more New Year Resolutions. Break the cycle instead and be inspired to create the life you really desire.
